AN HERO – A man on the brink of self-destruction records his final moments. (Short film)

AN HERO – A man on the brink of self-destruction records his final moments. (Short film)

December 3, 2019 0 By Kailee Schamberger


This is fucking weird. My therapist said I should do these videos. Said it would help clear my thoughts
and put things into perspective. You see it in the films all the time,
folk talking to themselves. Makes it hard to take this shit seriously. You think you’re going to be like that
boy inTaxi Driver, know the whole…You talkin’ to me?thing. Doesn’t really work if you’re
Scottish though, not with this accent. You just sound like a fanny. Anyway. My name’s Jamie and… Today or… Tonight I should say, within the
next 10 or 15 minutes I’m… Going to kill myself. You think I’m joking? No it runs in the family,
so it does. My uncle Tommy tried it. A couple of times actually. There was one time that he… He got a hosepipe. Into the exhaust, through to
the driver’s seat window. You know that way? Anyway, gets in the car. Puts a note on the dash,
He prepares himself. Right?
He’s ready. Deep breaths and all that. Shuts his eyes.
Puts the key in the ignition. Then bang! The cunt didn’t realise
the car was in gear. It shot forward smashing
the garage door to pieces. My Aunt comes fucking
battering down the stairs like –Oh! Tommy
I’m on the night shift!
He’s dead now though,
Auld Tommy. He had a fucking heart attack
at the football of all things. He was a fat bastard mind you,
so he had it coming. Just like I do, it’s different
circumstances I suppose? Don’t know why the fuck I
bought that shit, it’s rank. Aye, my lawyer says I don’t have
a leg to stand on with my case. Facing 8 years. To be honest they’d be doing
me a fucking favour. My life recently has felt
like a sentence anyway. Me and… Me and my ex Christine,
we had a kid last year. A wee boy, Callum. Beautiful wee lad, so he is. This long blonde hair like a
wee Highlander or something. Anyway…
48
00:02:35,620 –>00:02:35,260
Since the… Fuck’s sake. Since the accident Christine
wants nothing to do with me. She can’t even look me in the
eye knowing what I’ve done. Naturally that meant seeing
Callum was out of the question. You know, I try calling every fucking
day but I just get her voicemail.Hi you’ve reached Christine
Blah blah blah! I just want to see my wee boy. Doesn’t mean I’m not still
paying for him though. Working every fucking day,
humiliating myself for £7.83 an hour. It’s fucking torture man. And then you’ve got to
worry about keeping your job. Walking into work every day
with your fingers crossed saying. Please don’t be a cunt today. But you can’t help it, can you? It’s
the fucking environment it sucks the… It sucks the fucking… the fucking
cuntism right out of you, it’s all fucked. That’s why this shit… It’s why this shit is
so fucking important. Ticked it off my pal
Josh for 50 quid so… If I don’t kill myself I’m fucked,
because I don’t have 50 quid to give him. Sorry Josh. I miss being young though man. When you’re young you have
no responsibilities, just… Getting pissed with
your pals down the park. Fingering girls up against a tree. Listening to rave tunes off
fucking shitey phone speakers. Tunes like this… Come on Jamie. Once I made my decision
that I was going to do it. I found peace, you know? But that kind of pissed me off in itself. Because it meant I had
nothing left to complain about. I suppose that’s just the
Scottish mentality though isn’t it. 8 years. Facing 8 fucking years. 6 if I’m lucky. Lucky… The court case is tomorrow
and I know what you’re thinking. Crafty bastards going to top himself
so he doesn’t have to go to jail and… Aye that’s part of it, I’m not
going to fucking deny that. But the truth is… The truth is tomorrow that
they’re going to be there. That little girl’s parents, they’re
going to be sitting up the back. Fucking distraught and I can’t… I can’t look them in the
eye knowing what I’ve done. She fucking came out of
nowhere I swear to god. That fucking noise, that noise. That fucking horrible fucking noise. Her head right off the
fucking front of my car. Fuck. You fear the worst but you don’t
think it’s ever going to happen to you. I should have seen her. Why didn’t I fucking see her man? You’ve probably read
about it online. Anyway. Look. What I’m trying to say is that… They didn’t deserve to lose
their wee girl and well… Maybe I can make up for it. She’s gone which means I have to go. I know it’s a cowards way out
not serving my sentence but… I believe I’ve done my time. If you’re watching this. I don’t want your sympathy. I want you to be
happy that I’m gone. Dance on my grave, okay? Have a fucking party,
get DJ Rankin down. But just know… Just know more than anything that
I’m sorry and I really mean that.