RENO 911! – Lottery

RENO 911! – Lottery

October 9, 2019 100 By Kailee Schamberger


Ah, that new Greek
tanning place? ‘Santorini tan’ is doing, uh, half-off
for law enforcement. You get half off
of any tanning or, uh… What they call
speed tanning. I have an announcement
to make! Suck my big black [bleep]! I won to [bleep] lotto! I won the [bleep] lotto! I am a [bleep]
millionaire! And I don’t have to
[bleep] sit here anymore and listen to your bull[bleep] you [bleep] crazy [bleep]! [bleep] you! [bleep] you! [bleep] you!
[bleep] you! Suck my [bleep] you mother[bleep]
[bleep]sucker! Argh! ‘Yes!’ [mouthing words] “03-06-14-18-46-51.” Okay, that was a misprint.
Okay. Everybody had that. Apparently they printed uh, thousands,
thousands of them. – ‘Everybody–‘
– Yeah, that ha… It happens. Put suck your [bleep]
on my to-do list for me. Uh, when I said that
out loud, it was, um– Oh, I’m so sorry
not everybody’s here. ‘Cause what I want to say
I wanted to say to all of you butt bloats
all at once… – ‘Alright?’
– ‘Um-hmm.’ You people have been
blisters on my taint and not just blisters,
but in-grown hairs. And yes, there’s cabernet
in this cup, alright? I won the lottery
last night. You know why?
‘Cause I willed it to happen. ‘Huh?’ I’m gonna go out
and snort coke off a black man’s behind. Uh, you didn’t hear
about this? “3-6-14-18-46-51”? – ‘Yes.’
– ‘Yeah.’ (Jim)
‘They printed 3000 of them.’ But, um, there is some
coke in evidence and Jones is
a pretty good sport. Nice coat.
Is it real? You don’t have to…
Don’t… Aw…yeah, baby! [laughs] Oh, suck it!
Suck it! ‘Guess who won
the lotto? Guess!’ [laughs]
[bleep] you, mother[bleep]. [bleep] you! For the record, you’re
the second person to come in and tell us to suck
your black [bleep]. (Jones)
‘Who else did?’ [clicks tongue]