The Daily Show Podcast Universe – Pod Save Little Creek Elementary | The Daily Show

The Daily Show Podcast Universe – Pod Save Little Creek Elementary | The Daily Show

February 27, 2020 100 By Kailee Schamberger


– [Narrator] What can you
do to fight back against the injustices of today? Obviously, there’s no better
activism than listening to a podcast. It’s time to join the
resistance against a tyrannical device of elementary school
principal along with your hosts Johnny, Tommy, and Isabel. This is, Pod Save
Little Creek Elementary. (old computer music) – [Johnny] Hello, and
welcome to another episode of Pod Save Little Creek
Elementary, the 519th podcast in our growing network. – [Isabella] We are the
podcast by the resistance– – [Tommy] And for
the resistance. – [Isabella] Inside Little
Creek Elementary School in Fairfax, Virginia. – [Johnny] I’m Johnny. – [Isabella] I’m Isabella. – [Tommy] And I’m Tommy. – [Johnny] We’re in fourth
grade and we have so much to discuss this week including
Principal Welsh’s outrageous decision to shorten
recess by 15 minutes. – [Isabella] This is not normal. – [Johnny] We also have plenty
more about Principal Welsh’s efforts to build a wall
between Little Creek Elementary and Santa Puebla Middle School. – [Isabella] Your parents
tax dollars hard at work. – [Tommy] Later in the
pod, we have an interview with Ms. Stone. She’s a substitute teacher who
we think should be the next principal of Little
Creek Elementary School. She made a lot of waves last
week when she let us have two snack times. – [Isabella] So
excited for that. – [Johnny] Before we get
going, some housekeeping. We are recording a live episode
of Pod Save Little Creek at Jackson’s 9th birthday
party on Saturday. – [Tommy] If you’d like
to attend the taping, get your mom to RSVP
to Jackson’s mom. – [Isabella] There’s
gonna be laser tag! – [Johnny] Tommy, we also have
some news about our sister broadcast– – [Tommy] Yes, our sister
podcast has a new interview with my sister. Her name is Victoria. She’s in eighth grade and
she’s really mean to me. Checkout Pod Save
My Sister on iTunes. – [Isabella] Also, this episode
of Pod Save Little Creek is brought to you by Glue Apron. – [Tommy] Glue delivered
straight to your cubby hole. – [Isabella] Are you tired
of constantly running out of glue? – [Tommy] I know I am. – [Johnny] Glue Apron is your
new source for all things glue: crazy glue, rubber
cement, you name it. – [Isabella] Last week, I
got an amazing glue stick from Glue Apron. It’s purple. I’m obsessed. – [Tommy] Love Glue Apron. I especially like
their edible glue. – [Johnny] I don’t think
any of their glue is edible. – [Tommy] Eh, I have
to go to the bathroom. – [Isabella] Glue Apron,
it’s paste modernized. (quiet carnival music) (low beat) – [Johnny] Let’s
get to the news. This week, Principal Welsh
announced an escalation in his trade war banning the
trade of all Pokemon cards. He said, quote, “I’m calling
for a total and complete “shutdown of all Snorlax
Decks until we figure out “what’s going on.” A few questions. First of all, can the
principal do this? – [Isabella] Absolutely not. He is way beyond
his authority here. – [Tommy] It’s mind blowing. For years, the foundation
of our elementary school can take two
unmistakable truths. First, everybody
needs a cootie shot. And second, that free trade
is essential to the health of this school. – [Johnny] Isabella,
I want to turn to you. Why aren’t any teachers
speaking up about this clear abuse of power. – [Isabella] Well, did the
teachers speak up when Principal Welch appointed Timmy Johnson
hall monitor even though he’s the biggest
bully in fifth grade? Did the teachers speak up when
he tried to ban all finger painting because one
kid ate the paint? – [Tommy] Again, it
looked like it was edible. – [Johnny] We know this
about the teachers, they are complicit. They are egotistical. And they are isosceles. – [Isabella] Can I
just say something? This is a principal who
was stoking divisions. He’s making us
learn long division. Every phone has a calculator. – [Tommy] Amen. – [Isabella] And can I
just say another thing? There’s no reason we
should be learning to play the recorder. This is a bologna instrument. – [Johnny] Let’s
get back on track. I think we need to
face the facts here. And this is unpleasant to
admit but the principal is a fart face. – [Isabella] This is a principal
who has shown time and time again that he’s a fart face
but all of his enablers are too afraid to say,
Principal Welch is a fart face. – [Johnny] It’s almost like
calling someone a fart face is worse than actually
being a fart face. – [Isabella] Speaking
of fart faces, how is it Principal Welch’s
son got student of the month? – [Johnny] You’re talking
about Principal Welsh Junior. – [Isabella] Yeah, he doesn’t
even know what a fraction is and all of a sudden he’s
doing morning announcements and getting straight A’s? – [Tommy] It’s part of a
larger pattern of corruption. I mean, why is it that
Principal Welch is forcing us to learn cursive? No one writes cursive anymore. – [Johnny] It’s
because Principal Welch is a white supremacist. – [Isabella] He’s an out
and outright supremacist. This is not normal. – [Tommy] Let’s also not
forget that Principal Welch has repeatedly
committed adultery. – [Johnny] And Tommy, remind
our listeners what adultery is. – [Tommy] Adultery is
when you ask an adult why they’re doing something and
they say because I’m an adult and you aren’t. – [Isabella] Ugh,
I hate adultery. My dad always commits adultery
when I ask why he gets to eat ice cream for dinner. – [Tommy] My dad also committed
adultery and now I get two Christmases. – [Johnny] Isabella, what
can our listeners do to fight back against Principal Welch. – [Isabella] There’s so
many awesome organizations out there, you can go to
votesavelittlecreek.org
for a list of opportunities. We are currently
looking for volunteers to TP Principal Welch’s office. – [Tommy] That’s a great
event for a great cause! – [Isabella] You should
also check out our friend at Swing Left. – [John] And how can our
listeners find Swing Left? – [Isabella] On the playground. It’s a swing set on the left,
next to the monkey bars. – [Tommy] Another
great organization
and a very fun swing. – [Johnny] Okay, we’ll be
right back after this word from our sponsors. – [Tommy] Great, I’m
gonna go to the potty. (old computer tunes) – [Johnny] Pod Save Little
Creek is brought to you by Progressive Mommy Insurance. Did you accidentally
call your teacher mommy? Did you start crying as
everyone laughed at you? – [Tommy] I’ve done
that several times. – [Johnny] Well Tommy, you need
Progressive Mommy Insurance which can protect you in the
case of a mommy accident. Progressive Mommy Insurance
will tell other students you didn’t actually say
mommy and that you were just crying because you
had dust in your eye. – [Tommy] Question, would
this work if I called Mr. Thomson dad and
hypothetically peed my pants during the school talent show? – [Johnny] Absolutely. Progressive Mommy Insurance
also covers dad accidents for no additional cost. – [Tommy] Wow, where was
this all of second grade? – [Johnny] Progressive
Mommy Insurance, don’t talk to your
teacher without it. (old computer tunes) – [Tom] Hello Pod Save
Little Creek Elementary listeners, I’m Tom Stier. If you’re like me, you’re
concerned about the direction of Little Creek Elementary
School under Principal Welch. That’s why I’m spending
$12 million of my own money on podcast ads, to announce
my candidacy for principal of Little Creek Elementary. I support progressive
school policies, like more flavors of
milk in the cafeteria and a ban on dodge ball. Whether you’re a third
grader or a P.E. teacher, I’d appreciate your support. And now, back to the pod. (old computer music) – [Johnny] Our guest today
is someone that we believe should be the next principal
of Little Creek Elementary. She’s our substitute
teacher last week. Please welcome Ms. Stone. – [Ms. Stone] Hi, kids. This podcasting
studio is so cool. Did your parents
help you set it up? – [Tommy] Are you kidding? My parents are so
behind the times. They communicate
via text message. (everyone chuckling) – [Ms. Stone] What’s wrong
with texting, I don’t… – [Tommy] So, Ms. Stone, you
are an amazing substitute teacher. We were suppose to
take a geography quiz. You let us play board games. We were suppose to
learn long division. You let us watch, “Chicken Run.” Let’s start at the beginning. Why were you inspired
to become a sub. – [Ms. Stone] Hm, let’s see. I got fired from Old Navy
for running an illegal casino in the fitting rooms. The next day I saw a popup
ad for a substitute teacher on NastyCelebMakeouts.com
and two days later, boom! I’m teaching fourth graders. – [Johnny] Inspiring. – [Isabella] Tell me, Ms. Stone. What would your first
act as principal of Little Creek
Elementary School be? – [Ms. Stone] Hm, I would
probably turn the music room into an illegal casino. – [Tommy] Okay, what else? – [Ms. Stone] I guess the
performing arts theater, I would also turn into
an illegal casino. – [Tommy] We were hoping you
had some ideas that would make the school better
for us, the students. – [Ms. Stone] Oh,
okay, okay, okay. Um, you know, I’ve got
problems with Principal Welch. – [Tommy] We hear that! – [Ms. Stone] For example,
why do you fourth graders have so much homework? – [Isabella] Sing it sister. – [Ms. Stone] In fact, why
do you have to come to school at all? – [Tommy] I’m loving this. – [Ms. Stone] You could
make plenty of money as a Black Jack dealer
in my illegal casino. – [Johnny] Okay, Ms.
Stone, you’ve given us and our listeners a
lot to think about. Thank you for coming on the pod. – [Ms. Stone] Thank
you for having me. Do you validate parking? – [Isabella] Parking is free. This is a public
elementary school. – [Ms. Stone] Well then who
did I pay– Ah, hell no. Who’s the man I gave my keys to? (door opens) – [Johnny] I think she
could be the future of this elementary school. – [Tommy] Yeah, I mean, I
have some concerns about the illegal casino
part of her platform but there’s no such thing
as the perfect candidate for principal. – [Isabella] This is not normal! – [Tommy] What’s not normal? – [Isabella] Sorry, my mom
forgot to cut the crust off my PB&J. – [Johnny] That’s all
for today’s episode of Pod Save Little
Creek Elementary. – [Tommy] Be sure
to tune in next week when we will have an
interview with Mr. Weaver. He’s another candidate for
principal who is running on a promise of
cootie shots for all. – No students should go
(crowd cheering) into debt because they
cannot afford a cootie shot. (crowd cheering) – [Johnny] That’s next week on Pod Save Little
Creek Elementary. Until then, we hope to see you
at Jackson’s birthday party this Saturday. – [Isabella] Let’s unfudge
this elementary school! (old computer music) (dramatic music)