The Time Zack Morris Broke Into A House To Record A Slumber Party

The Time Zack Morris Broke Into A House To Record A Slumber Party

September 17, 2019 100 By Kailee Schamberger


♪ Zack Morris is trash ♪ ♪
(bell ringing) – [Narrator] It’s the annual
Bayside Girl’s Choice Dance. Zack knows a ton of girls will choose him, so he’s wearing his third
most racist disguise to keep his options open. Zack tells Kelly he’s
waiting for her invite. Slater says she should pick a real man. Zack scolds Slater for
reminding Kelly about free will. Rhonda wants to invite Zack, but instead of politely saying no, he makes her chase him all over school, then catches his breath
to say she’s nasty. Zack’s bribing Lisa with
magazines for info on Kelly. Zack has a 50% chance. Not bad, but his impatient,
insecure ass wants answers now. He ups the bribery to Bon Jovi tickets that he carries around
everywhere for some reason. Fuckin’ loser. Then takes the tickets back
when Lisa’s information predictably hasn’t changed
in the last 10 seconds. Zack’s lying about how many
girls he’s turned down today. Lisa is excited about Jessie’s sleepover. Zack hears a room full of girls
telling secrets and trusts, trusts they can violate with no incentive by telling Zack everything. Jessie explains that’s
an invasion of privacy. Zack’s glad she’s on the same page. Harry Hou-diner delivers Zack
a romantic gift from Rhonda. Zack runs away like a
rude, blonde chicken. Zack and Screech break into Jessie’s house to wiretap her slumber party. Screech has second thoughts,
but Zack tantalizes him with knowledge of his crush, Lisa, who he knows full well
would never date Screech. Zack tells Screech to do all the work while he plays with a giant doll. Then, when he hears Jessie coming, pushes him out a second-story
window to save himself. The gals are talking gal stuff in what they assume to
be a secure location. Who will Kelly take to
the dance, Zack or Slater? – If I had to make my decision
right now, I’d pick Zack. – [Narrator] Zack blows his cover, screaming like the goober he is, putting the gals on high alert with his blaring, next-door dumb-assery. Jessie uncovers Zack’s illegal bugging of her teenage gathering. Zack, not a smart man, hits Screech and tells him to fix his broken machine. Jessie can’t believe
Zack’s latest crime spree. Kelly suggests teaching him a lesson to curtail what will
otherwise become a lifetime of home invasions, unlawful surveillance, and other assorted felonies. It’s time to play the juicy secrets game. Zack sees nothing suspicious
about this clear set up that’s louder into the microphone than anything else all night. When Kelly likes a guy,
she hurts him physically. It starts with a headache. – I black out, then wake up. The police are there, and that poor boy. (beeping)
– Zack needs to hear the rest. Any pre-murder hand action? Partial titty? Screech says Kelly’s dangerous. – Aw, come on, Screech. She’s a girl. – [Narrator] Screech informs
Zack that girls are humans and capable of doing human
things, including violence. Now Jessie is using time she
should be spending on academics to say ominous words about Kelly and Slater is neglecting
wrestling practice to wear a fake cast and tell Zack it was Kelly who put him in
this wheelchair last night. Zack breaks into Belding’s
office to read Kelly’s file. More crime. It says she did six months
in a mental institute on this very official-looking document that definitely didn’t come
from the library printer. Kelly ignores class to pass
Zack a not-so-subtle note. – [Kelly] My dearest Zack, you
can run, but you can’t hide. – [Narrator] Then, after everyone leaves, Kelly intimidates Zack
around the room with a bat. Oh no! She’s got a murder migraine! Zack, in prime position
to confess his snooping and offer to help Kelly, does none of that and instead determines the only way out is to say she should stop liking him because he already has
a date to the dance, letting her murderous tendencies
be someone else’s problem. Zack is pouting through his
date with Rhonda like a jerk. Kelly returns his microphone
because he never thought to retrieve it this whole time. Jessie reveals she planted Kelly’s file because she knows how Zack’s
simple, predictable mind works and since Zack is slower
than a broken escalator, Slater explains he was also in on it. Zack bullies Kelly while she’s on a date and so is he to say she
would have taken Zack, you know, if he hadn’t
illegally recorded her and all. Let’s review. Zack Morris tried to make
up Kelly’s mind for her, for a girl’s choice dance. Unwilling to wait for her decision and unable to coerce her
friends to stab her in the back, broke into his neighbor’s house to run slumber party surveillance, almost killing Screech in the process, and when he exposed himself
by yelling like a total spaz, fell into a glaringly obvious trap that consumed tons of time
these concerned friends should have been spending on school to teach Zack a lesson about
honesty that he did not learn, as he lied up until the last
possible moment to save his ass and was fine with letting
someone else get killed, and he learned nothing about
crime, which he is very bad at, or how to treat a woman
and respect her right to make a decision. Zach Morris is trash. ♪ Zach Morris is trash ♪ (bell ringing)